Dear my son, my brother, myself,

We will forever battle our will or His be done.  A grueling struggle that is not always cut and dry and often a surrender that those beyond the borders of our heart cannot even see.  It is a war against self in determining who to trust, and a daily acknowledgement of who really is God.

This last week I was attempting to encourage a dear friend of mine whose life’s direction is not what he had envisioned nor had been working towards.  But as he knocked, the door was opened. As he prayed, he found answers. As he went to lay his will down, he was left empty handed, his Isaac on the altar. If he is anything like me, he probably continues to feel guilty for searching for the lamb as none is in sight.  So, I texted, “There is no failure in obedience.”  But that is not what my heart often speaks to itself, and my mind is too measuring to accept that, even though it is still true.

Often, in this thistled journey of faith the choice of obedience is what is to be laid down and I am not sure that the details of what are laid down are really of much significance.  The paradigm change that I am trying to work through is this: My relationship with my Redeemer and His desire to reflect Himself through me to the world is what is important and not the accomplishments or particular purpose that I have often clothed as His will.  We are led and used and then He switches things up on us in order to pursue our hearts further and to reveal Himself in new ways as He pours out His love.

My problem though is that too often I like staying on a track that is becoming more comfortable, more outwardly focused and not rooting out my own heart’s selfishness, one more aligned with what I enjoy, more of what I can see, a reality more busy and loud.  I prefer becoming comfortable with the God I know and His lukewarm love I allow myself to experience.  And in my weak humanity, the further down that path I trod, even though it is “for Him”, I have a tendency to shift my hunger, my daily sustenance, my vision, my purpose, my yearnings.

Today, Easter, my mind has shifted to my Lord’s last days.  He had a relatively young ministry that was thriving and thousands would gather to listen, to be changed.  And as He pleaded to let the death that awaited Him pass, He obeyed.  He obeyed even though He knew the pain, the humiliation, the nakedness that awaited. Each of which He did not deserve. He did not fail because his ministry would have to go on without Him.  He did not fail because what he saw when he pursued following his Father was different than what was logical. He did not fail, because he obeyed.  And through His obedience came our Hope and Life.

So, this is what I am attempting to allow to change my sight, I must blindly obey so that there can be life. And through life and abandonment I will see that there is no failure.

Not my will, but Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

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