In my dreaded silence, I listened to the Creator of the universe.  This is what He patiently revealed.

I often tend to have deeper faith in the smaller, accepted, and in the predictable miracles of the everyday.  The ones that I take for granted and often don’t even recognize as such.  I find myself “trusting” and “believing” in His ability when there isn’t going to be a huge showing.  When my prayers and the response can be vague.  When it lies in the box of things that I have accepted as reality.  I have faith because there is less vulnerability involved and less chance for pain if things don’t turn out the way that I would have hoped.  But how arrogant of me to even say “ability” when I mention what He can do.   

I trust that He loves me

that He will use me

that He will give me a breath after this one

that He has forgiven me

that He will carry me in my storm

that He will reveal His direction to me

that He will raise the sun

that He is the One

that He will.

But then I look at the more difficult, rare, trying, and impossible miracles.

My faith isn’t as strong when it comes to moving mountains

when it comes to fulfilling my deepest needs

when it comes to healing the sick

when it comes to expecting that which only He can do

when it comes to changing the hardest heart

when it comes to being His mouth when He wants me to speak

when it comes to walking on water

when it comes to having to wait

when it comes to having to give up my self

when it comes to obedience without direction

when it comes to letting Him fulfill my extraordinary dreams

when it comes to following him beyond borders and mediocrity.

When my plea is not met, when my loved one is lost, when the innocent suffer from injustice, when my doubts come true, or when I feel deeply alone, I am quick to doubt and feel like He is going to have to prove himself, so I can trust Him again.  I have become spiritually entitled from all that He relentlessly pours on me.  So I struggle with my humanity.

Why would one realization of His power not sustain me for a lifetime?

How could I completely miss the point that this life is not about me.

There is no level of difficulty for my Omnipotent Savior.

There is not a box that I have too often placed him in.

There is not a thing too impossible nor too detailed for Him.

There is no thing between Him and His will, except for all too often……….me.

2004 

 

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