“God has wisely kept us in the dark concerning future events and reserved for himself the knowledge of them, that he may train us up in a dependence upon himself and a continued readiness for every event.” — Matthew Henry

I have done a marvelous job of participating in and contributing to a world that judges one’s life by goals achieved.  But in my Father’s world, the most beautiful of things are not achieved, but what one becomes through the becoming.

A wise man will never believe he is wise, but will continue to search for wisdom.

A humble heart will never selfishly turn, and say it is time to be served.

A lover will never see his beloved, as yesterday’s glory.

A sinner redeemed will never accept the grace poured, as deserved.

I have been called to blindly pursue and it is never up to me to judge the work of my Potter’s shaping.  I am called to let Him spin me on the wheel.  To accept the forming that will suit His liking.  The truth is, is His vision for me is beyond my comprehension as I often dream to be a sow’s wallow, as He wants me to be filled with the finest of wine for the King.

This paradigm is one that has radically shattered my vision, but in doing so, has given me life.  I have longed to be free of judging eyes.  I have tired of striving for the impossible, always failing by comparison.  My heart has become weary by basing my success on what I have not yet attained. Then He spoke and revealed that the only shackles are the one’s I choose to hold onto.  This life I have been given is about the pursuit, not the attained.

I long to pursue my Savior.  To become more like Him.  To have the same heart.  But the closer I get to seeing His face, the more I see how far I still  have to travel.  How much more fire I must rejoice in as He hammers me out.  I am realizing that this is what life is, the definition of daily picking up my own cross.  I will never achieve becoming Christ, but in my obedience and acceptance of His finger’s forming, He will reveal Himself through me.  And that is what the world will see as I accept it to be.

I long to pursue a woman, to love and cherish.  But I will never arrive.  I will never achieve her.  It is about the pursuit of the things that will never be caught.  But in the pursuit I believe the crazy love will reside.  The pursuit of two for each other.  For in the pursuit, will two know God, will two be known, will two experience the daily washing of the other’s feet.  The pursuit, must come from a humble lover’s heart, with no expectation other than a plea for the acceptance of their gift.  Like the clay potter’s wheel, love alive, and love so rare, and love so safe, and love so freeing will manifest itself.  From that will come children of the same heart, and community who have seen the face of God.  There may be milestones for two to look back from and humbly see how far they have come, but the rewards are the manifestations of the pursuit of the destination.  Not reaching the destination itself.

I long to know my future, to know what to expect, but that is not faith.  I am called to live daily by what I cannot see, so I will choose to trust that my Provider will be just that.  To free myself of expectation and live passionately and fearlessly…..blindly.  Through living in this surrender, life will be deeper, and richer, and the impact will resonate even if it is for a brief moment in the scheme of time.  This will have to be chosen one moment at a time, but I am realizing as I am beginning this pursuit, that He is carrying me all the way.